Family Drama

Without getting into too much detail or burdening you with TMI (too much information), I will share something sad. Not to be a downer, but because it really hits me hard. And where else do we feel it most but when it affects our kids. Sunday night, the kids called their grandpa to wish him Happy Birthday. But it’s a grandpa they hardly know now because of a misunderstanding and a failure to communicate that has been exacerbated over time. What should have been no big deal became one overnight, and both sides got firmly entrenched in their respective bunkers. And never came out.  

The call couldn’t have been more than 4 minutes, with neither grandpa nor the kids knowing what to say. And then we are left with the fallout…you guessed it, Taylor asks why doesn’t her grandad want to see her. (Even sadder, Jared doesn’t seem to even remember him.) I don’t have any profound answer but fumble through a response as best I can. There really is no good answer-no reason why he shouldn’t want to be a part of her life! 

I had an ulterior motive in calling; my feeble attempt to open the door so that maybe the lines of communication will start to flow both ways. But my biggest fear is that nothing will come from our call. The phone will remain silent. Because the silence is deafening-and it sends a chilling message to my kids.

I write this for several reasons. Selfishly, I need to get it out. It’s toxic to hold this in. I hope that maybe someone reading this will have insight that I lack, something to say that will soften the blow. But it hurts. It’s raw and it sucks and it’s even more complicated because it’s family.

To avoid ending on such a negative note (because that is soooo not my nature), please let this be a cautionary tale and cherish your loved ones. Tell them how much  they mean to you every chance you get. Even if for example your mom gets the kids ginormous ice cream cones for snack today like my mom did, I am so thankful that she is a part of my kids’ lives. It is a gift. One I wish my kiddos had with their other grandpa. Or might have someday. I’m trying to find the silver lining….

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Suzanne
    Sep 22, 2010 @ 20:29:32

    Hugs to you my non-blood- related- but- still- nevertheless sister…..
    I hope things get resolved. Abby doesn’t have any grandfathers. And she only has one grandmother. I will send up a few prayers that “sir” comes around. (I assume that’s the grandfather you write of…)Your children have no part in whatever drama exists, and as an adult he should know that.

    You’ve made an attempt. Perhaps a letter would be more well received? It would give you an opportunity to really gather your thoughts and not be put on the spot. Even if you never give it to him, there may be something therapeutic in it. (I hope I spelled that right). Tell him what Taylor said and that Jared doesn’t remember him. If that won’t wake him up, I’m afraid then the ball is out of your court.
    Love you!

    Reply

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